#im fully doing this to myself lmao no one forced me to read these

[biblicalhorror]

Me when I don't like a movie: Ugh I can't stand when people say shit like "If you didn't like this movie, you just didn't get it." I understood it just fine. It was just a bad movie! People are so goddamn condescending.

Me reading bad reviews for Monkey Man (2024): None of you understood this movie at all actually

[bee-named-alex]

Ok so ep7 of iwtv s2. One of the notes i wrote down as i was watching was "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. nope. just nope. jesus fucking christ don't you dare do this" so you can imagine how i felt. Spoilers.

Ok ok. So I'm so fine rn you don't even know how fine I am. I didn't cry even though I expected to, I was more like empty, which might be even worse (read: better) lol

I'll start with a few quick thoughts, before I get into the bigger things. For the first like 10 minutes I couldn't stop thinking about how great Lestat (Sam) looks like im sorry. Him uncovering the homophobe's filth back at him? 10/10.

The actors are just so- perfect I have to say. Like we don't know what's true and I probably shouldn't believe anything just to be safe, but I found myself believing them everything. Also the whole time I wanted to hate the audience but they think it's just a play and if I, with all the other knowledge, find myself drawn to believe obvious lies, it's not really their fault that they do too.

Let's start with Lestat then. I was so glad to finally see the "real" (not really, even Sam said so) Lestat again

I haven't read the books (and even if i did i know that they change things) so idk how they made him testify because I just don't think he would. Maybe they tortured and forced him, "gave him a choice", maybe he was planning on saving them. Or maybe he just actually was out for vengeance i just don't know.

"You cannot script a hurricane" yeah you can't I loved that him going of script threw Santiago off so much, lmao (like he literally said "I'm about to violate the 5th law" aka kill Lestat I love that. Lestat is such a little shit.)

And when he went of script he told the truth (or as close to truth as we got during the trial i feel). Yes he also did break the laws. I like that he didn't let Santiago manipulate the audience to sympathize with him (don't get me wrong, it's not that he didn't want them to sympathize with him, he just wanted to manipulate them himself lol)

His and Louis' first eye contact (at around 11 minutes I believe) literally broke my heart.

When he talks about the loneliness I can't help but feel sorry for him.

I found it honestly hilarious when he was recounting their whole history backwards, like bitch please, it literally happened the other way arounf. Idk why it was just so funny how he was blatantly lying.

But then when they fully revisited the scenes from last season my jaw dropped.

So firstly Claudia's turning... I am so confused by it. Because it's obviously different from what we saw last time - and the scene itself is so moving. I mean Louis begging Lestat on his knees like he's some god and trying himself and failing and Lestat doing it for him even tho he knows it's a terrible idea. But the confusing part - in Dubai Louis rn says that Lestat's trial version is better than his and that he didn't want to believe it at the trial but now he knows it to be more true.

But like last season, so like 2 weeks ago, he told his own version?? Did he not realize until now, that he's talking about the trial, that he doesn't believe it? Did he lie on purpose but change his mind, is he lying now? Does Armand have to do something with it again? Tf is happening.

And then the fight. Again it's different but this time I remember that we didn't actually see this part of the fight so it could technically be true?? I don't really know rn how big of a part we didn't see last time. But maybe the truth about the fight is somewhere in the middle.

Amazing scene nonetheless, again, if I didn't know shit, I too would 100 % believe Lestat to be the victim. Up until the drop, that is extreme either way.

And Lestat going fully of script here, and his tears and his regret and his voice trembling and I'm sure that he means it. It wasn't a part of the performance. Sam Reid, the actor that he is, fuck.

It is just wo so great, like these new versions we get by Louis telling the story of Lestat showing him the story (which Louis already told us very differently) and on top of that anything could be misremembered. Or edited Armand. Unreliable narration at it's best.

Ok so Armand. "I could not prevent it" Fuck you. No sorry I might be a little harsh but yea no actually I'm not.

First the thing with Nicki and how he was "helped"... Armand got rid of him to have Lestat to himself and now he's doing the same with Claudia and Madeleine to have Louis.

Him having to watch is brutal and I believe his emotions but not his words. It was terrible to watch sure and painful and he didn't want it to happen... but he still sold them out?

He saves Louis. And it's amazing, the fear for his love in his face as he does it. He says it took all his strength and sure. But he could've saved them all. He can literally stop time. Ok maybe not but I for sure think he could've done it.

And rn in Dubai he's trying to convince himself or Louis or Daniel or maybe everyone that it wasn't his fault. But Daniel seems to not believe him (and calls his shit out a few times, good for him). And he's also making Lestat be more of a villain then he is I think (he would not do nothing when watching Claudia's death I'm sorry, that's his daughter.)

Claudia and Madeleine. My heart broke. They were doomed from the begginning. It didn't matter if they fought or not, it didn't matter their love or that they were right, it didn't matter that Madeleine was innocent and Claudia justified (maybe) in her crimes.

It didn't matter that Claudia was right -"We poisoned him, he's fine now. I can also cry and say I'm sorry"- because yes this was exactly true.

Claudia's final request (and Lestat giving it to her and then looking almost proud?? after she says it) and promise of death to all the people who doomed her and Madeleine.

And her rage. "It was never about me" and that's also true and yet she dies because of it. Tragic.

Madeleine's "My coven is Claudia" is just pure love and again it's what dooms her and again it's fucking tragic.

Watching the execution I couldn't breath really. Hurts still. And I don't believe Armand's version of the story though. Not that he tried but couldn't save them, not that Lestat didn't even try.

Louis, poor Louis. Living with guilt and sorrow isn't easy and he's living through it again now. And he can't even trust his own memories. I need him happy. He's not gonna be but I need him to be.

Also his live burial?? like fuck. That was vile. Like we know that he is fine now but still.

Previews. Santiago will die and if he doesn't I will kill him. Louis is a pyromaniac (yay), I'm ready for the whole coven to burn.

From the trailers we didn't yet see the bookshelves falling on Daniel so it has to be next episode. Also we didn't yet see the Loustat hug and I don't think it's what happens after the trial, especially not with Louis coming to kill Lestat, so that would mean it has to have happened later (Dubai maybe? I mean we do need Lestat's side of the story next season so we could get him now.)

[mamawasatesttube]

So, I'm not a writer, but I am very curious 👀 What do you look for in a fic that features Kon? 👀 What kind of things do you want Kon to do, or experience? 👀 What characteristics of Kon do you absolutely wanna see? 👀 What characteristics of Kon you didn't like but want to see adressed in a fic? 👀 When you're writing, what are three major things about Kon that you MUST INCLUDE NO MATTER WHAT? 👀👀👀 Sorry about the many questions!!!!!

OHHHH this is such a good question okay okay okay. let's see.

what do i look for? primarily, kon having an actual character voice. that's the lowest bar to clear (and yet already takes out... a good chunk of the fics ive seen in the kon character tag 😭😭). he needs to be silly, geeky, deeply kind, earnest, etc. not every fic featuring him will necessarily get into the way he's also existentially lonely and has a Lot of sadness and self-esteem issues (esp after rex leech's roller coaster incident. this has been on my mind today. ough. his self-image never recovered after that one!) but by GOD does he have his issues, so if its a fic going into emotions i want it to do right by his. will def admit thats smth im incredibly picky about.

as for stuff i want him doing? honestly i am here for so much!! i want soft simple character studies. i want action showcasing how fucking powerful ttk can be, especially with a dose of creativity to its use. i want wacky yj space adventures. i want good good whump and hurt/comfort. i want him getting swept off his feet. you could sell me on almost any plot if it's well-written.

re: characteristics... i don't really split them up quite like that, i think! he's a well-rounded character, and that includes both strengths and flaws. ideally, a good fic will include both of these and represent them fairly (like, he's not perfect by any means, and he can do stupid things and struggle with personal issues, but on the other hand very few things tick me off more than portrayals where he's just completely incompetent and dumb as a rock, lmao).

BUT REGARDING MY OWN WRITING. ohhohoohoohooho three things i ALWAYS have to include? a) geek-ass loser (affectionate). i think it is SO endearing and also very humanizing as a quality that he's a trekkie/wendy fan/star wars nerd/etc. b) mixed-race metaphors. they may not be overt depending on the piece but the "child of two worlds that doesn't quite fit into either" thing is Deeply intentional. and c) HES A JUGGERNAUT!!!! i firmly believe adult fully realized kon (a kryptonian, with full kryptonian powers, WITH TTK) is a force of fucking nature. i like this so much and i specifically also always like it when he is at any given moment about 0.4 seconds from freaking the fuck out about how it's Too much strength.

to me, kon is a character made of some very delicious contradictions. he's so painfully human and yet grapples hard with his own personhood and humanity. he's a kryptonian and an alien but he's a child of earth. he's terrified of his own power. he wants nothing more than to protect everyone he loves (and everyone he doesn't love, too). he's always ready to crack a joke or make a silly reference, but he is deeply sad and spent so much of his early life suicidal. he contains multitudes. (and this isn't even getting into my hcs on his gender/sexuality crisis! ksjdhf)

i feel like a gripe i often find myself having when looking for kon fics is that he often gets slotted into the role of "emotional support boyfriend with no personality or role of his own" though, which i guess is why "does he have a distinct character voice?" is my first litmus test for whether i'd want to keep reading or not.

a good kon fic will embrace all his contradictions, i think. (a good fic for any character, really, should show them as well-rounded and three-dimensional.) and i for one love his Problems and Issues, bc man, it's a very fun space to play in! <3

[ranposgirlboss]

raids your asks cutely

anyways can i ask for a written and appearance matchup for bsd (wow shocking who would’ve guessed) 😍

my likes: drawing, reading, writing, blasting music, petting cats, playing video games, collecting manga, painting my nails sometimes, playing card games, and i also love sweets! i just got done eating chocolate cake before i started writing this LMAO

my dislikes: keylime pie. don’t ask. i also don’t like math, people being nagging at me to do stuff i don’t wanna do, being forced to go to places, change, and getting overheated (i over dress so this happens a lot)

my sexuality: bisexual but prefer men (my little skrunklies)

my personality: i’m relatively quiet around those who i don’t know, but once i know someone i can get kinda loud at times. i’m also, very sleepy most of the time. i absolutely hate meeting new people, so i’d prefer to stay in my own friend group. i’m known to be mature in situations that call for it, but other than that i’m kinda childish. i’m also known to act like the mom friend for some reason i cannot even fathom. did i mention i’m introverted? i don’t like going outside unless i have to. people scare me. anyways, i’m nice to those who i know and trust. i’m not very easy to aggravate, but when i am angry i get really quiet and probably will let out angry tears. i don’t really like following schedules, i like doing things at my own pace. i’d also like to say i’m creative. i’m also very sarcastic!! also when i fixate on something, i’ll try to learn everything i can about it. i also really don’t like talking about myself so… BAHAHA

anywho, here’s my thingy for the appearance one. i tried to base it off of an actual outfit i wear sometimes.

fair warning, i’m emo 💔💔

teehee i’m excited for this 😍

take care!

oh em gee yes you can !!! ༼ つ ◕‿◕ ༽つ

also sorry this took a bit i was listening to the good child and the fox spirit and i had to keep on stepping back to fully grasp how amazing the song was

ALSO I LOVE THAT PICREW I WAS JUST DOING IT SJNKJSHDGBUHDJKSA

WRITTEN MATCHUP...

RANPO

-YALL HAVE A REALLY GOOD AMOUNT IN COMMON!! YOUR SARCASTIC HUMOR WOULD HIS PERSONALITY CONTRAST SUPER NICELY!! yall would have so much fun playing video games and baking sweets omg <33. YALL WOULD JUST HAVE FUN IN GENERAL <33 i can also see him being into card games, just be prepared to get your ass beat. also im asking about keylime pie WHAT DID IT DO TO YO-

APPEARANCE MATCHUP...

NIKOLAI

I LIKE HOW YALL WOULD CONTRIDICT EACHOTHER (also white-haired ppl and brown/darker-haired people look super nice together in my opinion.)

THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING MY INBOX IS ALWAYS OPEN ( T_T)＼(^-^ )

[m1ckeyb3rry]

TRUE the crow dedication is so real….like bro really took his last name literally LOL

PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS>>> idk I just love exploring the different avenues and depths of friendship esp since I myself don’t like forcing romance upon anything rlly….also like some dynamics remind me of how I’d act with some close friends too like I’ve just never seen the need to ship or anything when you can have a perfectly developed and interesting relationship without having to be in love with someone yk I feel like it almost makes the dynamic and friendship even more meaningful sometimes

The second selection trio is GOLD I Lowk loved that trio and how they meshed together despite being such different ppl?? I also LOVED that arc for the Barou development bc omg someone who learns from their defeats and makes a better version of themself that’s actually so cool….

Otoya’s fit is SO on brand LMAO I feel like yukis has too many layers almost like just looking at it makes me sweat HAHA

Im ngl I feel like something looks a teensy bit off in that one colored art…maybe it’s because it’s fully buttoned or something? But I LOVE THE TURTLENECK TRENCHCOAT COMBO it’s like my fav outfit style ever and he looks SOOO GOOD IN THE MANGA!!! Ugh the turtleneck >>>> I have a friend who hates the turtleneck long coat combo and I’m like….bro…..where’s ur taste…. But fr I something about the clean mature looking style also just fits him so well too!!!

AOT LMAOOO what’s even funnier is (idk exact how accurate this is) but I heard rin was possibly inspired by two characters?? Eren and I forgot her name starts with an M I think….but apparently one of the authors was an assistant for aot I think so definitely fitting LOLLL

Ok and honestly the Hiori duality is also so fitting?? Like we see in the novel he’s a pretty open/relaxed chill little boy outside of his household and when he opens up to Karasu and the team but then BAM switch flips once he enters his home and I feel like the diff between white butterfly and fwtkac matches that so well…..I love a little angst sprinkled in sometimes too that kinda duality is just so good, just goes to show the depths a character can have!! I love it!!!

Trust me I will be EATING UP those hiori works too honestly being fed so well by all of your writing lately I’m so excited to read everything <333

The light novels are SO. FUNNY. cursed Nagi was actually hilarious and I remember first reading the Hiori one and the whole stalking thing was peak comedy like wdym you’re a 6 foot man trying to hide your near fluorescent blue hair under a baseball cap….I’ll never forget the line that’s like “he’s only ever done soccer his entire life…it’s only natural that he doesn’t know proper social etiquette” LMAOAOOO

I think recently my favs finally settled the was like swapping between Chigiri Nagi Rin and Karasu for a good while a couple months ago….i feel like new ppl don’t really ever my top five as much it’s just a matter of the ranking amongst them LOL

Also I love Otoya but I also LOVE Otoya slander HAHA I love making fun of him so bully him all you like LMAOOO

Nagi fr is just like a big koala bear….i remember being so shocked by his height at first but it honestly adds more to his charm LOL and definitely!! The parental neglect is kinda real for him too like…ppl take his “breakup” with Reo and run with it like are we reading the same thing….. the dark haired hot trope is too real like people just toss rin into that category throw in some Emo and call it a day like….i think especially the moment after the u20 match where rin looks at sae thinking he’ll be praised by him just kinda shows he’s just an emotional stunted boy with brother trauma like…..man…you’re so right about the fanon Rin being like aiku or Karasu though i do see a lot of like…smooth talker rin on here…..

TREADMILL yesss get those steps!! Chronically online gang rise tho LOLL but hey at least you’re being productive and active while online!!

-Karasu anon

he was assigned crow at birth and knew what he had to do from there 🫡 i’ve always wondered what his older sister looks like (apparently he had one according to the official egoist bible) i bet she’s sooo pretty but like. does she also do her hair in some weird vaguely-crow inspired way?? or does she think her little brother is a freak?? what abt the rest of his family?? LMAOAO questions we may never know the answers to…

even when writing romance i’ve noticed i’ll have one or two Kiss Scenes but for the most part i prefer showing love in other ways!! smth that’s always stuck with me is that if your characters need to kiss to prove to your readers that they’re in love, you didn’t do a good enough job writing their relationship. so personally even in my longest and most devastating love stories i hardly write Actual Romance!! i think the reason i don’t like shipping personally (again, full respect to anyone who does 💖) is because making the love between two characters explicit instead of implied often (to me) ruins the actual depth between them.

second selection trio is so so good!! and i agree barou’s development esp in the match vs reo kuni and chigiri was delightful to see. tbh when i first watched bllk i thought barou was a “baddie of the week” character who would only be relevant in the match against team x and then disappear entirely, so i was really excited to see him come back AND with a new and improved design (first selection barou kinda haunts me tbh why does he look like that…)

ohhhh i was talking abt the manga only!! i haven’t seen the colored illustrations but i agree the coat is a bit odd in them. i imagined it to be tan when i read the manga which i think fits him better than the bright blue but oh well it’s karasu he can pull anything off. he looked so cute in it in the manga!! when he took it off and went with just the turtleneck too…it really did give me such a lowkey but mature and elegant vibe!! like future businessman right there mr “if i randomly got 100 million yen i’d invest in index funds” bro is trying to be reo so bad DHSKSJSJ (speaking of which i do not fw reo’s fits he needs to hire a better personal stylist because some of those choices he makes are certainly. choices.)

HAHA yes i’ve seen that rin is supposed to be a blend of eren and mikasa!! i can def see it. i was heavily into aot back in 2021 though not much anymore actually which is why i immediately clocked the comparison!!

i know the karasu series is pretty fluffy and funny but i am actually first and foremost an angst lover!! i love writing absolutely heartbreaking stories they’re my favorite thing in the world. bllk is making me lose my edge though 😔 i need to get back to writing angst again…i think maybe i’m surprised by people being sad abt white butterfly because when i imagine angst it’s like death and inevitable ruin HAHAHHA but anyways i agree hiori def is a very layered character!! i’m excited to write more of him as well

oh my god the light novels are so sillyyyy 😭 when karasu made up an entire tragic backstory for himself just to mess w hiori??? he is so problematic i can’t even lie and the way hiori 100% believed him too had me bawling

OTOYA SLANDER 4 LIFE he is just so so easy to make fun of!! spoiler alert it’s actually not y/n who hates on him the most…let’s just say that our dear best friend who wants a boyfriend has major major beef w him (he is completely unaware of this ofc)

everyone says they’re surprised that nagi is so tall wdym!! he is sooo teddy bear i think him being huge makes sm sense!! he has such big fluffy lazy dog vibes too…yk the kind that thinks it can fit on your lap despite being the size of a small horse 😭 like THAT is nagi to me

i fear rin will never escape his fanon characterization 😔 but yes i think the teasing/sassy side that people give him is actually much more in line w karasu’s personality, and him being super smooth and flirty is way more aiku than anything!! rin has like one insult that he uses for everyone he is NOT a sarcasm god i’m afraid 😰 and according to the egoist bible he knows he’s unfriendly but thinks if people don’t like that abt him they shouldn’t interact with him!! in my mind the extent of his flirting would just be him going nonverbal and being like 🌎👄🌎 at you from across the room LSJDOWNDWJ hopefully you are a mind reader because otherwise you are never finding out he has a crush

YESSS unfortunately i do have to go to the gym quite frequently because alongside being chronically online i ride horses competitively and go to parties and whatnot so the body must be maintained 😔 HAHA it’s like a double life omg sometimes random guys will try to flirt w me when i’m out w my friends and in the back of my mind i’ll just be like “oh he has NO idea I write reader insert fanfiction on tumblr dot com” 😭 once i was at a party and i just took out my phone and started responding to comments on ao3 instead of dancing or talking because i thought the music sucked and it was way too loud 😓

[dynamimight]

cw: THIS IS NOT A FIC, the internet is simply my diary lmao. just a lil thing to get stuff about tumblr rn out of my head. read if you please, i also rly want to talk about this w/ppl 😭😭 (readmore bc i put this in fandom tags)

i recently have been feeling a certain kind of way about reading fanfic; if i find myself scrolling (bored/looking for fun stories as always) i kinda just quickly scroll through the whole page and give?? up??? like im not as excited as i used to be. this is for a few reasons:

1. i feel like a lot of fics are the same now 👍🏼 not a terrible thing, but i really look back to the quarantine era of "forced creativity" (a different conversation) and think about just how much people were writing; not to "give out content," but to truly explore an online writing community and do something that was worthwhile. the resurgence if the "[as]" trend on tiktok really put that into perspective for me: quarantine forced ppl to explore creativity, created job opportunities based on that (influencers/content creators as we now know them), and really pushed artistry to the point of basic normalcy. even though this was a cool kind of thing (seeing so many ppl create), our level of understanding art and its brilliance was lowered. which brings me to point 2-

2. a good amount of the "creative era" of quarantine was simply ppl replicating other ppl's original ideas, or straight out stealing them to add an extra topping of fame, bc ofc "everybody wants to be famous." my best examples of this are the two sides of the tiktok coin: dancing & damelio.

dancing became a big thing, and it made sense to start dancing trends; a trend is just popularity + replication. but charli damelio becoming famous for creating one of those trends and it later being stated that a completely different girl, jalaiah harmon, created it and had no recognition until the news came out?

and yes, she was on ellen, but that pales in comparison to the millions of dollars that the damelio family made bc of one instance of improperly following a trend.

and that's what i see now with multiple online spaces; they've become boring bc everyone is doing the same thing w/o giving proper credit to anyone. before content creation & whatnot became huge, no one irl would go around seriously saying tht they created some huge, celebrity-reach trend without being checked.

now, the difference between tiktok and fanfic pertaining to "trends" is based on power imbalance. no one is gonna believe a middle schooler saying that they started the trend of wearing skirts over jeans when it was very obviously some a-list celeb. in writing, you look to your favorite authors, poets, etc. and formulate your own writing style. whether that's word choice, plot format, or anything else you can cultivate to your own writing experience.

while you can always put your own spin on new dance/fashion trend, writing is different. you wouldn't put a spin on a classic in the same way: it would be a modern retelling, or smth symbolic of the original. adding an extra move is is not equal to adding an extra sentence. and that is what leads me to my final point-

3. writing is becoming/has became very formulaic. a good amount of fics in the most popular fandoms here follow a similar style. we see this with the short cycle of complaints that went around when the fic format of "short blurb with a group of character names under it" came about. along with the fact that the format probably came from the notoriously unoriginal & wattpad-esque booktok, everyone who wanted activity in their notifs was using that format. and so now, with every new group of teens that comes here to enjoy stories and explore writing, the new "trend" isn't a fully fleshed out story: it's like pushing out content.

i'm not complaining, and i'm not saying that everyone lacks originality. i enjoy whatever ppl put out bc i know that any form of writing comes from some place within. i am simply making a written observation of something i've noticed happen over the last couple of years- being a younger teen when it started, and now growing into the basics of adulthood.

the internet is my diary lol

[worldwright]

good evening ! im more and more early nowadays but that's bc i have shitty days and i love our asks <3

the strong will to kill myself is still here full force and now i want to slit my throat open :) what a great way to start today's ask BUT GREAT NEWS I CAN STILL GET ANGRY

yay

it's been over a fucking month at least that i corrected someone's spelling in a fic because they butchered a bit too much a french word and I -a native french speaker- thought it'd be good to say to the guy to correct it, i was nice and all -normally i don't really care at all but it was too bad not to correct it yk LOL WRONG THE WRITER HAD THE FUCKING STUPIDITY TO RESPOND TO MY COMMENT AND NOT CORRECTING THE FUCKING SPELLING

FUCK YOU

it's a fucking spelling, everyone misspells from time to time for fuck's sake, just correct it ????? BUT NOPE. KEEP BEING AN IDIOT

and why would i remember that now ??? because a fucker that i don't even know, the only thing Im sure about him it's he's a friend of one of my friends by the fact he's on a friends' discord server where we all know each other IRL. we were all debating about AI videos (OpenAI Sora exists and that's hell) and i was talking about nsfw deepfakes and he went "never saw that", which isn't a fucking argument, and we were debating

and i said so, because that's not a fucking argument. and he said he knew that and i just went "okay /gen" and he didn't understand, so i explained to him what it meant what id just sent, because we use tone indicators in the server to avoid any misunderstandings, and a friend dropped a link to the most used tone indicators, so a short list, because she's nice and because we're all here to learn and all, AND THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE JUST WENT "LMAO IM NOT READING ALL OF THAT" WELL YOU FUCKER JUST GET OUT IF YOU WANT TO FUCKING ACT LIKE THAT

SO I INSULT HIM, RIGHTFULLY OR NOT IDFC I JUST LISTENED TO LEO GOING "INSULT HIM" AND I WAS LIKE "YEAH", BECAUSE YOU GO AND SAY THAT IM NOT UNDERSTANDABLE AND THEN SOMEONE PROVIDES YOU AN EXPLANATION AND YOU REFUSE ????? AND OH, YEAH, MAYBE I SHOULDNT HAVE SAID "IF YOU KEEP BEING MEDIOCRE IN YOUR COMMUNICATION YOU CAN GO AWAY" AND "DONT COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT UNDERSTANDING ME AND THAT YOU SEEMED LIKE A DICKHEAD WHEN YOU ADD A 'LMAO'" THEN YOU DARE TO ANSWER WITH "IT WAS JUST A MESSAGE, NO NEED FOR EASY INSULT" YOU MOTHERFUCKER

so. i didn't know i could still have the energy to be angry, but apparently i can :))))) my favorite feeling :)))) like it is not one of the FUCKING reasons i have so many traumas because my family FUCKING REFUSES THAT I HAVE NOT EVEN A BIT OF A LOUD EMOTION BECAUSE IM THE FUCKING PERFECT CHILD AND THAT I TRIED TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF ON A FUCKIN WHIM

so, to be short, ive never learned to live with emotions :))) normally that's Leo's and A.'s job to have strong emotions :)))) and now we all understand why my main occupation of the day is to fucking flee from my emotions because im a fucking mess

SO

have a wonderful morning my friend im gonna go and read some fics, wanted to continue mine today but that's not happening if i can feel anger (it can lead to self-harm pretty easily and fast, so that's a big no)

oh god, many sympathies, that sucks :'))))))))))

ugh some people just aren't worth arguing with. they're not trying to discuss anything, they're just trying to be a dick and refuse to change their views on literally anything

I'm in my friends' apartment!!!!! trip took a lot longer than planned last night due to train delays, but I made it!!!! had some alcohol and had a fantastic time :33333 we're going out to do fun stuff today :3333333333

gonna get groceries, get food, perhaps get ice cream, there's a really good bakery we can go to....... I'm havin a great time :3

my friend is doing better now!! still not fully recovered, but able to hang out

headed to the farmers market now!! hope you find a good fic to cool off with <3 <3 <3

[n0bluev]

ugHHhh TT the last page happened and i went to the next one and IT WAS EMPTY !? AND... I.. I......... ...

#I LOVE KIM DOKJA SO MUCH WHY WHY WHY IS THIS OVER sums it up pretty well actually. good job me.

+ KIM DOKJA IS AN IDIOT ( im going to brainwash him into thinking he deserves the world BECAUSE HE DOES.)

+ CRIED ( to be continued ----> ) + RATIO

--- --- --- /// spoilers, kinda: /// some thoughts on the 'ending'

one of the interpretations i got from this ending is that we're all a little bit kim dokja and we are therefore in charge of the stupid FUCKSIJNH ENDING/CONTINUITY so according to the lore, what would work would be to try to force myself and my subconcious to only think of the good ending possibilities. EMPHASIS ON TRY BECAUSE HOW.

HOW CAN I DO THAT AFTER HAVING READ ALL OF THIS.....

THE STORY LOOPS AND CONTORTS ITSELF IN A WAY WHERE THEYVE NEVER FULLY WON YET. THERE WAS ALWAYS SMT WRONG THAT MADE IT BITTERSWEET SOMEHOW. ALWAYS THAT LITTLE THING THAT MADE THE CHARACTERS WANT TO KEEP TRYING ONLY TO FIND THEMSELVES IN YET ANOTHER SITUATION WHERE THE ENDING IS LACKING IN SOME WAY. {THERES ALWAYS A SACRIFICE} (ughh) AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK THE CICLE OF PAIN IS OVER ? HUH ? WHEN EVERYTHING IS POINTING AT REST BEING A FAR AWAY GOAL, ALWAYS ?

+ AGAIN KIM DOKJA IS AN IDIOT THAT DOESNT UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH HES LOVED AND THAT AT THIS POINT HE IS A PART OF THE STORY HE LOVES SO MUCH AND THAT THE REST OF THE STORY LONGS FOR HIM.

There were some people who, despite wishing to be saved, couldn't bring themselves to ask others to save them.

An existence who had never imagined his own happiness. The 'Kim Dokja' they knew was such a person.

READERS RULE BUT YEAH NO ILL STOP KIDDING MYSELF THERE IS NO GUARANTEE THAT WE ARE KIM DOKJA, THATS JUST A SILLY, COWARLY TAKE TO TRY TO IMAGINE WEVE TAKEN AWAY SOME BURDEN FROM HIM, ISNT IT. SO, ASSUMING WE'VE GOT NO CONTROL ON 'canon' AND ALL WE CAN DO IS GUESS. WE'RE PUT IN A POSITION WHERE WE HAVE TO PUTH FAITH INTO THIS LITTLE GUY TO GET TO HIS OWN HAPPY ENDING BY HIS OWN MEANS. (let's pray with <probability> (i will go away with the storm I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE SPARKS JUST LET DOKJA BE HAPPY) that history will not repeat itself and he wont do the thing again (cough couhg. you know the thing couhj. YET AGAIN SACRIFICE HIMSELF HA HA HA) i hate it here)

BUT YEAH... THE GROUP HUG IS IMMINENT (and that counts for all the little dokja fragments out there too ; they need all the mental health they can get to project only good stuff onto the idiot kim dokja SUNFISH STUPID of the blablabla planetary system nanana) ill go on in other posts to keep this from becoming too much of a mess lmao MY MIND IS ALL OVER THE PLACE HOPEFULLY THIS IS AN UNDERSTANDABLE POST (i went back in paragraphs to add stuff and whatnot but i did not proof-read ahha) -- expect art, probably (already sketching orv stuff during class so the urge for an actual careful drawing is brewing)

Am i supposed to be sane after having finished reading orv ........ ?

[evanescentdawn]

5, 15, 16, 19!

thanks, lovely. 🥰

5. what fic of your own won’t you read?

“won’t read” is a strong phrase. more like detest to read is more like it. I wouldn’t want to reread like that t7/sasusaku old naruto fic, because god, what was I doing there….lot of inexperienced there, and me just posting the fic into the wild with no real plot or direction and just. posting the next chp despite that NFKFKKFKFKF tho saying this, im getting the urge to reread it….

and I really don’t want to read my current long fic, because it’s so embarrassing and because every time I did read, it makes me wanna rewrite the thing. also there’s typos that make me go hhhhhh

I didn’t think I wanted to read my sasusaku fics I’ve been posting recently, but I’ve surprised myself! turns out I do want to read them. ah. that kaneki&kaneki fic and toukabday fic. I don’t want go back to them because I feel like there’s a lot of mistakes(?). no, mistakes isn’t the right word. but there’ll be a lot of want fo reread.

….okay, surprisingly there’s a lot of my fics that I wouldn’t want to generally reread again, ahaha. but also want to, just to see how I wrote them, y’know.

15. How do you think your writing as improved over time?

YES !!!! a partially improve I’ve definitely noticed is how I write dialogues!!! I was so hopeless at them, before, ahaha. still not the best but yoooo, I can write them AND love to write them. I’ve been tracking my writing closer, and do deff see improvements. but — also, it’s hard to see track the improvements because it’s….different across fandoms. what I might be struggling for particular fandoms and such, I might be excelling in other’s. because lmao, I deff to regress in writing sometimes when writing for some stuff which is funny.

that reminds me. a particular improvement that just came to mind. ACTION SCENES !!! lol, okay, I don’t even think you can call also this an action scene. but like it was action adjacent? anyways, I used to be so terrible at them. couldn’t even. but learned !!! like I just focus & cut on things. I don’t have to write things fully. it’s a big advice I’ve taken one and it’s been extremely helpful. AND YES… HAVE IMPROVED ON MY SMUT…. but that one is always depressing, lmao, because I keep forgetting variations of words I can use. but v good generally, compared to beginning, lmao.

cutting off here before I go into a big ramble, ahaha. but yes !!! I have improved in writing !!

16. Do you re-read old fics? Is there a time in your writing you won’t go back to?

YES I LOVE REREADING OLD FICS……! particularly, fics that have that Taste that is just for me. and just generally really love how I wrote it.

I don’t want to go back to the old naruto era, LMAO. like ffnet. but like, eh, some of the stuff WAS good there. but I like where I am rn, much better…..AH. NO. I know where I exactly I don’t want to go to. last year, March. god. my early orv era was so terrible. I don’t know what it was but I felt like I degressed SO much, there. I really didn’t like any of my orv wips, then. it was so….urgh…..

19. If you could write an ideal fic, what would it include?

I’m a cringe person so obvs….

MY IDEAL FIC IS THROWING DIMENSION TRAVEL+TIME TRAVEL AND THROWING ALL THE VARIATIONS OF THE CHARACTERS IN ONE ROOM AND FORCING THEM TO WATCH THEIR LIFE…

the drama, the general horrification of some how future would play out to them — and…jeez, I was gonna say something but lost that train of thought. and like, I want fights !!! I want complicated feelings !!! I want that distant feeling of being connected with that “future self” because it’s technically not you yet and hehe, the denial…..that you’ll Do that…..and OF COURSE, my ships. and how they’re not at all love yet, and is the weirdness of seeing yourself being so in love with a particular stranger OR EVEN BETTER YET ur enemy.

like god, I want to write it so badly. BUT NOT OF THAT SKILL LEVEL YET AND GOD JUST THE SHEERNESS IT WOULD REQUIRE. which ahaha….I don’t have at all rn……but someday…..! someday……!!! ITS THE DREAM

I know it’s possible because I have started some of my ideal fics that I would never think I would be able to before so HELL YEAH !!!! ITS OBTAINABLE….!!!

[thirstybtsthoughts]

Hi, not necessarily a dirty ask but I’ve been really struggling and I don’t have anyone to turn to.

My whole life, I’ve been overweight and that’s been looked down upon/always a topic of conversation with anyone I encounter: family, friends, coworkers, expressions on acquaintances. I, cis-het woman, currently am 5’2 and ~260lbs, I tend to blame all of my problems (low self value, lack of ability to maintain friendships/socially interact, inability to find love) on my weight. (*Side-note: In my brain, I know that some of these things (finding love or more specifically validation from men) shouldn’t be this important to me, but it would be nice to be desired at least once in my life 🙃; I’m also torn bc I allow myself to fall into these slumps even tho I know better, I do this to myself and it’s definitely something I can overcome on my own, but it’s difficult. Idk I feel like I’m constantly going in circles) A year or two ago, I lost 60lbs but over the pandemic, I gained all my weight back. During that process, I was still struggling mentally, if not worse bc I thought my weight corresponded to my mental health. I felt better physically but I still felt terrible about my mental problems.

Sorry that was a long “backstory” haha. It slightly turned into a rant. I have many things I could write about bc 🤕. Lmao I’m not sure what the point of this ask was anymore 😂. I think the point I wanted to bring up was there are many beautiful, plus-size beings out there. Many who are thriving and have found their people (friends and significant others), maybe I was wondering if there was hope for me. (Again, I understand socialization is somewhat a trivial issue as there are people out there who struggle with much more difficult issues, physically, mentally, or whatever it may be.)

Thank you for reading my long rant 🐰. Sorry for wasting your time/burdening you with my problems. You don’t need to reply, it was good to put some of my thoughts somewhere someone might notice. Not that it was a cry for help/calling for attention, it was good to get it out there.

Continued…

“So I think I figured out what my struggle of overweight ask was really about. I think it would be difficult for me to get into the mood with a partner. Maybe it’s bc I’m uncomfortable bc of lack of physical touch or bc I have so much body. Or maybe bc I’m an immature 22yo with no sexual interactions with a partner. I haven’t had my first kiss. I’ve recently discovered that when I am in the mood, im quite horny and possibly a little kinky but this was just by myself. Idk, bc even when I watch movies or kdramas and they had sex the night before, the scene of the morning after makes me feel awkward even tho the scene does not emulate any type of awkwardness to the audience.

Does anyone feel the same way? If you felt like this his before, does anyone know how to overcome this within themselves? Bc I feel like, even if I had the most perfect partner who would try to make sure I’m comfortable, that I’m sexy, and/or fully loved, I would still be awkward.

I think any members of bangtan would be so cute/loving when trying to get their partner to relax and enjoy it, obviously without forcing it on them. Does anyone have fic recs or POV recs of bangtan comforting for any type of body insecurity?”

- anon

_______________________

THERE IS MOST DEFINITELY HOPE FOR YOU!! Just as much as there is for anyone and everyone 🥺. We’ve had lots of conversations here in the past about weight insecurities and self-esteem in relation to that. I 100% think you will find someone who loves you as you are, but first your main focus is to love yourself so that you can feel comfortable in your own skin. OWN IT! Find a style that suits you or one that you enjoy and work it. Act like you’re confident/happy about your body and it will eventually become real confidence. 

I understand that you might feel uncomfortable no matter how wonderful your partner is, because I feel the same even if I put on a little bit of weight and I feel like I need to hide my stomach sometimes. I know that most men don’t care...I mean if he’s been in a relationship with you to the point of getting naked in bed he obviously likes you the way that you are. Unfortunately we just can’t help but feel the way we do about our own bodies. So basically, back to my point - LOVE YOURSELF! 😊💜💜💜

As for fics... I’ll direct you to these posts: One | Two | Three

[hobidreams]

⚠️long ass ask ahead!!⚠️

AHHHH MISS RAIN!! i finally finished translating the song lol (i finished it on christmas day lmao) !!

i actually made a playlist for mlt!! i started adding songs to it around nov of last year and kept on adding more songs as time went by :>> anyways, onto the song that i translated!!

i had to add some stuff in brackets so it would flow a lot better, but i hope you don’t mind!! this is my first time translating a song so if there are errors… Please Look Away lol

Last Moment (Huling Sandali)

[i] can’t stop the rush in my heart

whenever i get close to you/approach you

may i have your hand?

hold it and never let go?

[i] can’t stop the way my heart beats

every time i’m looking at you

will you stay by my side?

because soon…

the night where no one will stop us is coming

if not now,

i will hope that yesterday will be returned

even for just a moment,

free the hearts that can’t be stopped

i hope it will be us at the last chance

that you can [still] be mine

i can’t stop the chaos in my mind

and it’s like nothing hurts more

[than] the memories of you i can’t forget

only time knows…

if the night where no one can stop us will soon come

if not now, then can i only hope that yesterday will come back?

even for just a moment,

free the hearts that can’t be stopped

i hope it will be us at the last chance

that is no longer ours

and with every minute, i still won’t learn

even if they force me [to be] with someone else, i will wait for you

you are the one with me at the last moment (the word used in the lyrics is “kapiling” which has a very tender undertone to it🥺)

would it be a sin if our hearts were to win?

even for just a moment,

free the hearts that can’t be stopped

i hope it will be us at the last chance

that is no longer ours

even for just a moment,

forgive the hearts that never stopped for the two of us,

[at] the wrong chance that you could have been mine

-

hehehe that is all!! there is another filipino song in the playlist, but there are English translations available for it!! it’s called “araw-araw” and directly translates to everyday. i think this one is a pretty good translation for it hehehe. (oh and for some reason they translated one of the lines in the bridge as “i will choose nothing but loving you fully”, but it can also be translated as “you are the only one i will love fully”!)

man this ask is getting long but fuck it lol i hope tumblr doesnt eat this ask BUT. remember that song i mentioned a few months ago where i said i was scared that the situation in the song would come true for the mlt couple?? it’s this song!!!! the title translates to “in our next lifetime”, and there are eng subs in the vid hehehe

whew ok that is ALL!! im sorry for clogging up ur dash but i had to get this all out hehehehehhee thank you so so much for writing mlt🥺 i honestly don’t know what to do w myself now that it’s over and my friends and i did have a mild breakdown after the last chapter hAHASJLFLG

hope ur doing well miss rain heeheheh ily🥺 -🌿

BABEEEEE!!!! omg THANK YOU SO MUCH for making a playlist???? i love so many of the songs you put in 🥺 that Sweet Night!!!! and It's You!!! ahh 🌹 you are so lovely. NO PLS dont apologize im sure you did a fantastic translation 💖 i so appreciate your taking the time to bring me even more beautiful music. im particularly soft to the lines "may i have your hand?" and "even for just a moment, / free the hearts that can’t be stopped / i hope it will be us at the last chance" 🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧 the absolute LONGING omg... i am so so so weak for it. im gonna be listening to this playlist as i write my novel 🥺🌹 thank you so much for all this stuff to enjoy like... i'm so touched you took the time to share it 💞💕 im gonna listen to the two songs you linked rn!!!

thank YOU so much for reading and for sharing with your friends too!!!! i couldnt have gotten here without your support, my lovely 🌿 anon 🥰🥰🥰🥰 please take care 💜 also i totally understand that feeling, lol. im also kind of like ... what now? 🤣 but imma force myself to take a small break first haha!!

[ghostofcitrus]

more gender crisis bc i need somewhere to document this shit and also if u wanna read and say smth that’s cool too 🥺 fair warning it’s kinda longgg. but there’s a tl;dr and i tried to make the paragraphs short so it’s easy to read and i sorted the thoughts by paragraphs

ok so when i see a girl or group of girls or smth i, for the most part, am like yeah same. i have the same lived experience and like yeah u look cool and i relate in a lot of ways.

but like i also feel the same w non-binary ppl. i see agender ppl and i’m like oh nice that sounds like how i want to live MY life!! i get jelous. i saw a gender ambiguous person the other day and i thouvht i was going to lose my mind i was like AKSJSHJSJSNS Y O U. I WANT TO BE YOU. i talked to them i was like 😭😭i love your hair😭😭 and it was so compelling just seeing them i got my hair cut later that week. i like it.

and i cut my hair and i’m like y e s. and i’ve always wanted a very small/flat chest and have planned on getting a breast reduction (meaning i want basically no tits. i’m like a DDD rn. and i’m short and have a baby face so that’s like. very noticeable. pain.) ASAP. but i like dress and being seen as a girl? but i also want to be non binary, but it feels like something im striving for. i don’t feel like i’m there. i feel like i WANT to be there but i just keep hitting roadblocks.

when i think about OTHER girls, i’m like yeah. i relate to that. but when i think about myself. fully isolated. i want to present like a feminine agender person. i am connected to my girlhood. girl, sister, girlfriend, daughter... all of them accurately describe me. but i also like person, sibling, partner, child.

i like femininity. i like being seen like that. and being seen as a girl is cool and fine. but i don’t feel like it accurately describes all of me. but i’m like scared??

i want to be a “girl” in the way that when u look at me ur like ... is that a girl? my face i like lmao. it’s round and feminine. cool lol. my body.... i wish with like all my heart i woke up one day w/o titties or major curves. but i’ve literally work so hard to accept and like myself in my body. YEARS of forcing myself to look in the mirror and compliment myself. deconstructing fatphobia was a big part of it. but in my head. with no mirrors around. i think of myself as less curvy. a small fame, but not really curvy. much more neutral features. i forget what i actually look like. but when i do look in the mirror now i’m like she’s pretty. i like how she looks. nice. but it doesn’t really feel like me. but i feel cool. it’s like nice makeup that’s someone else chose for u and never comes off. like yes. that’s nice. but... it’s not like “me”. i feel like that about most of my features. but i’ve grown up in them. i don’t hate them. i think they look pretty and i feel confident enough like this. and after all the work i’ve done to get to this mindset... it’s just not what i want.

i think part of what’s messing with me is i’m automatically more comfortable with other girls/afabs, like we just share experiences and i can generally understand how they socialize. guys like,.. not so much. but most of my actual friends have ended up being guys. but im naturally wary of guys. and most around me end up being fucking republicans anyways. and another part of what’s getting to me is when i’m going about my life, i enjoy being stereotypically feminine. like i like to be taken care of, feel small , that bs. maybe it’s internalized misogyny that i feel like the only way i can be that is as a girl.

i also think i just have no idea what it would really feel like to go about the world non-binary. like i just want to keep blending into the background. i don’t want to be that noticeably different, i’m already autistic.

i think it’s also weird bc since middle school have been having periodic gender crisises but they always end in me just getting embarrassed, finding transmeds on the internet and also getting embarresed, not wanting to stop being feminine, or deciding it’s just not worth it.

and i think another thing is, i’ve always felt more connected to girls, but always on the outskirts of that, but that might just be because i’m autistic. but like i’m feminine in the sense that i like dresses. and being taken care of that and that shit. girls tend to really fucking irk me a lot of the times. i don’t really feel “connected” to them, more like “stuck” with them but making the best of it. some are pretty cool :) tbh it’s mostly just other autistic or queer girls i vibe with. other than that.. i struggle a lot to feel connected.

speaking of being autistic.... i’m realizing a lot of what i’m feeling is similar to how i felt when i first started to consider that i was autistic. when i was alone or in a space i was totally comfy in, i felt very confident that i was autistic. but when i was around people, i was like no i’m definitely not. and even now. i know i mask whenever i’m not alone. but i’m literally so fucking used to it it’s not hard at all. it hardly feels like a mask. just a different version of me. not the most authentic, but it’s how i operate around others. so whatever. not what i like per say. but in most cases, i can deal with it and still be perfectly happy (ish). this is exactly how i feel about all of this gender shit.

but i think part of my hesitancy to identify like this is i’ve never met ppl irl who identify as non-binary. that wouldn’t be a group for me to find and relate to and be comfortable with, i’d just be the different one. and i’m already different. and people don’t really get neopronouns and that shit.

ok and i’m anxious about my boyfriend as well. he’s a straight guy, idk how he’d feel about me being non binary. but i don’t want to sacrifice our relationship, so it’d be fine, because i also like my name and pronouns now. i like the shortened version of my name better tbh but i think my name sounds cool. mostly because saying it is a vocal stim for me, same with my partners name fore some reason. i just think they’re good names. they feel good to hear and say. and i’ve always been described that way and i’m like yeah that’s me.

i like dresses. feminine clothes? yes pleaseee. i like how girl are generally the ones who get taken care of. i like feeling small and dainty. i like being silly and cute. but like ... silly and cute arent like “girl things”?? but idk.

but i like “girl”. not “ladies” or “woman”. that feels too much like “female” and the only time i feel like i relate to that at all is in very specific situations. i’m feminine. i like that. i wish i could be feminine in an androgynous way tho????????

TL;DR: closing thoughts. if i were the only person on earth and i could do whatever i wanted like magically. i would change my appearance to look like my picrew... but like for an ex think Crona from Soul Eater of Ed from Cowboy Bebop. both of them are androgynous but when i see both of them i’m like they’re kinda feminine too! like that’s what i want to look like. i’d probably go by Citrus and neopronouns and maybe she/her (they’re fine but i feel like i’m lying about being non binary when i use them). ya know. how i want to be. but in reality. i am scared of that. it sounds like a lot of work and a big change that i could probably never really achieve. i also hate change. and constantly explaining shit.

also do cis people PINE over this shit the way i am? i’ve done this multiple times for years. not consistently bc tbh i have other shit i need to spend energy on but when i’m not pouring energy into somewhere else i tend to circle back to this. maybe that’s a sign that i’m right.

[your--isgayrights]

Okay i actually have no clue on how tumblr works (hope I'm doing this right lmao) but I'm writing my first fic (I still can't really move on from orv so I decided to make my own content lol.), I really love your writing style, do you have any tips??

Hmmmm tips tips tips tips.... First of all I’m really flattered that you like my writing enough to ask me about it! I’ll try to give my best answer... I think that I used to read a lot of people’s “writing tips” but ultimately I ended up not really understanding them until I started writing a lot? Either way it’s fun to read how other authors think... It’s really cool that you’re writing your first fic and you thought to come to me... did I already say that? Okay long post under the cut.

I don’t think this will be all that helpful, but this is just things that I think about if that’s interesting!

For me a lot of writing is like struggling with motivation (I have ADHD so that’s probs why), I really have to pace myself while writing because I can’t just force myself to do it. If I go in every day and think “I have to write today I’m not doing anything so I should be writing” I can get burnt out really easily, even if I really like the thing I’m writing and know how it’s supposed to go. So one of my big things is that when I’m not thinking about writing I’m not thinking about writing. that gives my brain a break and refreshes me when I get back to my google document.

Something I’ve also struggled with having to remember is that there’s like. Never a perfect way to write. What I end up doing is thinking up ideas and fragments and sentences in my head and the very moment I think of something I like I have to write it down in my notes app. Most of my writing process ends up being like. Filling in the blanks and connecting the dots between scene fragments. 

For fics in particular I’d also just recommend rereading your favorite parts of the og work! I’m the kind of person who has a pretty good reading memory, so people may have noticed that I include a lot of little details referencing the text in my fic. Just reading the work kind of helps you remember the voices of the character and the style of the narration, and if you just like. internalize it. you can probably replicate it pretty well if you wanted to.

OKAY I say that but don’t worry too much about replicating things in the og work perfectly. I find that a lot of times when I’m writing I’m inserting a lot of personal touches and putting things that are a part of me in the work. Writing is always going to be like. an extension of your voice, no matter what you’re writing. I think that when I heard about stuff like that from authors in the past I was always like. What? I’m not writing about things that happened to me. I’m writing about grown adult men having emotional issues, silly. But there’s like a lot more nuance to writing about yourself, I guess. Like you don’t have to have like a self insert or be projecting onto a character to have yourself reflected in something you’ve written.

I’d say that like, whatever you write as your first fic is going to be lovely, but when you grow up as a writer and look back on it, you’re not going to remember who you were when you wrote it. I think that’s why a lot of people look back on their first works and are like “I can’t believe I wrote that, what was I thinking, cringe cringe cringe ugh.” Like I definitely do that sometimes, but I’ve found that the old work I’m happiest with nowadays is the stuff where I can recognize myself in it, even if I’m not in that fandom anymore or if there’s old jokes or typos I don’t remember making. 

With that being said, I’m the kind of person who always gives myself a mission statement when I’m writing. I sort of mentally go, okay, I’m writing this kind of thing, and this is why I’m writing it. It can be something like oh I’m writing this fluff piece because I love this character and wish they had a happier ending, or  oh I want to write this multi chapter fic exploring an issue touched on in the original work but I feel like with my own experiences I could expand on it more than the author did. Just something that tells me why it is important to me to write this thing when I’m writing it.

AAAH I feel like I made that sound more dramatic than it really is, that’s just how I think I guess. I’m the kind of guy where its like things need to have like MEANING to me when I do them. I’m dramatic and gay and that’s my personality I guess 😔.

Hmmm maybe it’s also my BIGGEST writing tip tho. Like kind of just thinking things through when you’re writing is pretty important. When I was first learning to write at all (talking about baby baby me here this is like sort of a side tangent sorry) I think that a lot of times I would copy phrases and developments that I had liked in things that I had read without really fully considering why I would include those things other than the fact that that was just what I thought writing was. It’s important to consider what importance every scene and sentence has to do with the flow of the story. Are they just things that are happening, or is there a reason that the audience needs to know these things? The weight of your words should have some sort of consequence as a result of you writing them. Are you telling the audience information they need to know? Is it about how the character feels? What does this say about the character? Etc.

I suppose that’s sort of my own writing style. You’ll probably notice that I don’t write a lot of descriptive prose if you read my fic. The thing about me is that I never want to write something that makes my audience question why they’re reading it, I guess. I’m sort of self conscious and think about the reading experience a lot. All of the things I choose to describe are usually so that the reader can understand where people are in the scene and what emotions they are having. There’s a lot of emphasis that I put in like. A reader’s ability to read into things, which works against me sometimes because I’m not always certain if people picked up on different things that I put a lot of thought into (the curse of being seen... sob).

ALSO use paragraph breaks. In my first fic (that I’m not going to tell anyone what is even though its on ao3 because im shy) the thing I always regret the MOST is that there are big chunky paragraphs that are hard to read through at the start. Like my eyes get lost. I mentioned I have ADHD before but even though I like. physically can’t read a big chunky paragraph I will always write them that way if left to my own devices. Paragraph breaks don’t have to just be broken up by dialogue they can be wherever you feel like doing them. You need a lot of them. This post should probably have more of them... oh my god it’s so long...

OKAY FOR REAL THOUGH IF YOU COULDN”T SLOG THROUGHT THE REST OF THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT TIP IS RIGHT HERE: 

JUST LET YOURSELF WRITE

I have a lot of like. academic trauma, so maybe this is just me, but the reason I didn’t write fic until I was like 16 was because I was always really scared that whatever I wrote wouldn’t be good enough for some impossible standard I was setting for myself. I was always telling myself that I had certain bad writing habits or that I was terrible for never being able to focus on things for very long and all of my projects were doomed to failure before I even started. But then I wrote my first like 8 chapter fic in the summer of my junior year and I was like... oh. that wasn’t so bad. Like. It’s okay to know your limits, but you don’t really know them until you start writing. Like I wrote an 8 chapter fic, and then a few one shots, and then I tried to take on a very complicated project that ended up being over 40 chapters and I had to put it down because I just wasn’t really at the writing level to finish it. I would advise against writing fics that take so long to write that you start hating the way you wrote the first chapter, basically lol. Know how whatever you’re writing is supposed to begin and end before you start writing it.

Nowadays I always have like. plot outlines in my head when I start a fic. Like okay this needs to happen here this needs to happen here etc. I like making lists if it seems to overwhelming when I’m writing something long, just to organize my thoughts. 

OKAY I JUST TALKED A LOT. SORRY IF YOU DIDN’T WANT TO READ ALL OF THIS BUT I’M A LITTLE CHATTY IF YOU DIDN’T NOTICE.

Defo feel free to dm me if you have like questions or just want to chat about orv or whatever. I’m a lonely little man out here floating on my pile of words, and I’d love to hear what your fic is about!! 

[t-lostinworlds]

Hi there! I hope you are doing well:) I've been reading your work for a while, and you're such an incredible actor. I was wondering if you could give some tips and tricks to new writers? I published my first fic and im super nervous haha. only if you want to though! no pressure at all :)

hello hun! 🥰 and i’m doing alright ahaha but gosh 🥺 thank you lovely, that’s so sweet of you honestly. and omg! congrats on posting your first fic hun! that’s take courage honestly and i’m so proud of you for that ❤️ and of course! i won’t be going into actual details because then i’d be writing another essay ahah but anyway, i’ve already posted how i plot my fics -> here so you can refer to that too.

always write what you want to write. you can take requests of course but you are not obligated to write them if you are not feeling it. never force yourself to write what you don’t want. you’ll fall out of love of writing if you do that because then it will feel like a job.

take your time and enjoy the process. don’t rush to the finish line just for the sake of wanting to post something. only post whenever you feel like it and whenever you want to share your work.

read read read. it helps you improve and get inspired. it helps you learn some different styles on how some authors write which can help you find your own style too.

always do some research on things you aren’t familiar with. know your facts so the fic won’t look too unrealistic. use pictures as references for places, clothes etc. it helps you explain things in much greater detail which helps paint a clearer picture of what you want your readers to see.

it’s totally okay if your work is so messy and not so detailed at first. it’s okay if it’s all just words jumbled together just so you can get the idea on where it will go. because you can always improve it when you go back to edit.

i’ve learned to do this thing where after i finish a fic, i never post it right away. i leave it for a couple of hours, sometimes even days and not think about it. so that when i go back to re-read it again to proofread and edit, it’s would be somewhat fresher in the eyes and in the mind. which will only help it improve some more.

don’t dwell on numbers. you can appreciate it of course but don’t make it out to be this big deal. the quality of your fic is never fully determined with the number of notes it gets. what’s more important is that you loved writing it and you love re-reading it.

if you lose inspiration on a certain work then it’s okay to leave it for now and move on to other ideas that sparks your interest. don’t put yourself through hell of forcing yourself to stick to a certain fic even when your mind is blank because then you’ll end up frustrated and don’t get to work on anything at all.

but also, if you’re inspiration really high and stuck to one single project then write to your hearts content. stick with it until it gets done.

I’ve got sooo many WIPs and ideas so what I do is i open the ones I want to do (sometimes I open them all lmao) and jump between them just to get a feel. what usually happens is I find myself sticking to one fic much longer than the rest, or sometimes, i forget i have other docs opened while i’m writing that certain fic because inspo just flows. so, i have that fic as my chosen one to finish first and close the others for next time. I then stick to that one fic for days until i get it done.

if you don’t feel like writing, then don’t force yourself to write. do other things, watch videos, movies, bake, anything. because sometimes, when you’re in the middle of something you suddenly get inspired and go “huh, i want to write something” and that’s when you write.

but also, try and get a few words in every day. no matter if it’s only 100 words or 1000. i’ve got a daily reminder that tells me to write at least 500 words every single day, whether it’s for a one shot or to continue a series. i just open my WIPs and see where it goes, maybe I’ll add something, maybe I won’t. But sometimes, for me at least, whenever I don’t feel like writing but I open a doc and go over what I’ve written, it sparks inspiration out nowhere and then the next thing i know I’m already halfway through a fic.

i don’t know if this will work for everyone but change the device where you write every once in a while. i jump between my phone and my laptop when i write. because sometimes when i stare at my laptop screen i don’t have the urge to write, but the moment i transfer to my phone then words just flow right out and vice versa. idk why that is but i always get a different feel when I write on my phone and on my laptop.

last thing i want to say for now (because this is getting really long haha) write because you love and enjoy it. don’t do it for numbers, don’t do it because it’s what everyone is doing. do it because you want to tell and share your stories. do it because it makes you happy, it helps you escape to a whole new world. simply do it for your own pleasure.

that’s it for now ahah but if you’ve got specific questions or want me to talk further about specific things like overcoming writers block, dialogues etc. then you are always welcome to pop up in my inbox, love 🥰

[taurusjaehyun]

kiss me // j.jh

♦️Pairing: jaehyun x fem reader

♦️Other Members/ Characters: 97 line GC (Eunwoo, Jungkook and Mingyu) + Jihyo of Twice (also a 97 liner)

♦️Genre: smut, fluff,, bf Jaehyun, uni au

♦️Warnings: rough sex, nipple play(?), slight cock warming, squirting, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, badly written smut lmao, mentions of RuPaul’s Drag Race bc I’ve been binging on it after Netflix put all the seasons on!!!

♦️Word count: 3,981

♦️Story: Finals are done and you finally have proper time with your boyfriend Jaehyun but he barely pays you any attention. He won’t even give you a kiss you because of a stupid mobile game.

Note: A request by anon for bf!Jaehyun. Also, yeaaah, this isn’t proof read, sorry for the shitty aftercare and the shitty writing in general lol. Tell me what you guys think, please! I’d love feedback so I can improve hehe <3

"Kiss me." You say as you push yourself up closer to your boyfriend’s face, who was currently focused on his phone as he laid next to you in your bed, playing whatever mobile phone game he was addicted to with the guys. It was kind of annoying, really.

 You purse your lips and make kissy sounds, making him chuckle. You roll your eyes at him but he doesn’t notice, because he was too focused on his phone. You couldn’t believe how he’d rather play with his phone and his friends rather than spending time with you, his girlfriend, despite it being a free Sunday for the both of you. Finals were fucking finally over for all of you after the two of you, along with your friends had spent every day studying (more like cramming) to try and ace your tests.

 It was safe to say the two of you hadn’t had sex in a while. Plus, this was your only time alone together after a while as your roommate, Jihyo was on a date with her boyfriend, Eunwoo. Jihyo was a bit anal about you bringing in Jaehyun to your dorm to have sex after she had caught you and Jaehyun fucking a few times (it was more than a few times, honestly). You couldn’t hold it against her because she never had sex with Eunwoo in your dorm. Ever. Or not that you know of.

 You pinch Jaehyun’s side, making him yelp but he barely spares you a glance. You pucker your lips again and make kissy faces at him, trying to annoy him more than anything at this point. Jaehyun tilts his head towards you, eyes still focused on the screen of his phone as he blindly pecks at your face, kissing your nose instead of your lips like you wanted to.

 Feeling annoyed, you grab the phone out of his hands and turn it off. You set his phone on your nightstand, straddle him and cup his cheeks, squishing and pinching it with your hands. His hands automatically make his way to your hips as he looks up with you with a less than pleased expression.

 “I was about to beat Mingyu and Jungkook, you know,” he grunts in annoyance, taking hold of your hands that started to pinch his cheeks painfully. He pulls your hands off his cheeks and intertwines his fingers with yours.

You laugh, “Baby, today’s our free day. You can kill them some other time!” You started to grind your hips against his, testing the waters. You really wanted to take advantage of the time alone you had with the love of your life and do anything and everything you’ve wanted to do for the past few weeks. Also, fucking the built up stress away wasn’t a bad idea.

 Jaehyun watches you, grinding and circling your hips, almost as if he was hypnotized. He bit his lip and gives you a pointed look, “I thought we weren’t allowed to have sex here anymore?”

 You lean back and shrug, “Jihyo isn’t here anyways. What does she know?”

 “Well Jungkook and Mingyu know how important my ranking is in that game to me. And they know I’m here with you.” Jaehyun chuckles, “they’re already probably going off in the group chat that we’re already fucking and you know Eunwoo’s in the chat too.”

 You stop grinding on him, and sighed before blowing a raspberry, “I honestly don’t give a shit. Jihyo knows I’m putting RuPaul’s Drag Race over everything, including you so I could just say I forced you to watch.”

 Jaehyun scoffs and looks at you as if he’s offended, “so you mean to say you finished the season we were watching WITHOUT ME?” He lets go of your hands and holds onto your thighs, squeezing.

 You explode in laughter, knowing well that Jaehyun took offense in it. You both were big fans of the show that you’d do marathons of it together, especially the most recent All Stars season. “Trinity-“

 He puts up a finger to your lips, “ok, spoiler queen. I don’t need to know. I’ll watch it for myself.”

 “No, I’ll tell you right now! Trinity and Monet-“

 Jaehyun puts his hands over his ears, closes his eyes and starts howling, and basically doing every annoying sounds he could produce, just to shut you up.

 You laugh, trying to pull his hands away from his ear, telling him about the finale. Each second he goes on with his act, the more you found it funny so you ended up bellowing in laughter, weak as you fall down on his chest, shoulders shaking.

 Jaehyun sighs as he wraps an arm around you, patting your head gently. “God, you’re annoying.”

 Still in fits of giggles, you sit up again and hover over him, staring at him. Jaehyun was probably one of the most beautiful men you’ve ever seen in your life and you thought you were blessed to have been given a chance to be one of the people he loved in this world. “You love me, though.”

 Jaehyun gives you a goofy smile, “that I do, sweetheart. So fucking much. You have no idea.”

 “Prove it!”

 “How?”

 "Kiss me."

 Jaehyun didn’t have to be told twice. His hands find its way on the back of your head, and he pulls you close while he lifts his head up to meet you halfway and locks his lips with yours.

 You chuckle and proceed to kiss him. Deep and hard, always. His tongue swipes on your lower lip and you grant him access and soon your tongues wrapped around each other. You didn't know how long you were kissing but all you knew was you were already feeling dizzy and breathless but you just wanted to taste him again and again.

 People might call you crazy but every time you saw him, he still gave you the butterflies he made you feel from the first time you saw him. That was how you knew you were already in love with him. You were so into in him that his mere touch sent shivers up your spine and when he makes love to you, you’re afraid you’ll burst into tears because of the overwhelming feelings he gives you.

 You pull away and pull off the large t-shirt that you used as pyjamas. Underneath it, you weren’t wearing anything because you knew you’d be fucking your boyfriend. You shoot him a smile as you cup your breasts for him, earning a whistle from him. You knew he loved your nipples and right now, they looked too appetizing to him, already so hard and begging to be sucked by him.

 He bites his lips at the sight of your naked and pliant body. He knew how conscious you were of your body but he loved how you trusted him too much that you were confident naked in front of him. He was thankful for that because for him it was a way to really say how much you trusted and loved him.

 You grab his hands and rest them over your breasts as you start to circle your hips on him again. He had an obsession with you boobs that he would find a way to suck your nipples most of the time, that when you would sleep over at his dorm (which was better because the athletic department had budget and gave them solo rooms) even before you sleep, he sucks your nipples. It was endearing.

 You were his and he was yours. As soon as he lets go of your nipples, you kiss his neck, making sure to rub you hard nipples against his chest as you pull up his shirt and help him fully take it off. He cups your face as you kiss and you rush to undo his jeans. You plant kisses down his neck, chest and stomach as you go lower, pulling down his jeans.

 His half hard cock pops out as you pull down his underwear and help him get both his jeans and underwear off around his ankles until the both of you were buck naked. You settle between his legs, kissing his thighs, just taking your time but your hands find his cock, the tip leaking with clear liquid.

 You spit on your hands, easing the friction and starting to jerk him off. You use the pad of your thumb to rub the slit of his cock, watching how his cock twitches and gets harder at the action. His dick continues to leak pre-cum, enough for you to spread it around the sensitive mushroom head of his shaft.

 “Fuck, baby. Stop playing and suck it if you’re going to,” he hisses, fisting the sheets beside him.

 “Ok, ok.” You laugh but you continue to play with his sensitive head. You gather your spit in your mouth and drop it slowly on the head of his dick, circling your tongue to the air so the spit goes around and covers the rest of his cock. “I’ll get your dick wet first, you big baby.”

 Jaehyun moans as you start to jack him off, your left teasing the head and the right jerking the rest of his cock. He watches you as you bite your lips in concentration as you jerk him off, using the tricks that are fool proof to make him feel good. Especially that jerk-jerk-twist-jerk movement that had his hips bucking.

 Without a word, you start to suck on his head, slurping on the salty precum, making him hiss in pleasure. You use your now free left hand to fondle on his balls as you keep jerking and sucking him off. When the moisture from your spit around the rest of his length dries, you slowly take him in your mouth, deep throating him.

 You keep your thumb in your fist, trying to keep your gagging down as you used your left hand to hold onto the base of his cock as you take him deeper inside your mouth until your nose was touching his belly, his trimmed pubes prickling you.

 Jaehyun was always amazed how you manage to take in his whole length but then again, you always managed to surprise him and managed to exceed his expectations which was one of the reasons for why he fell in love with you. Out of all the girls around him, you managed to catch his attention and he found himself unable to keep you out of his mind until the two of you got to work together since you were both in student government.

 You lift your head a little and bob your head, keeping his dick down your throat, knowing this would surely cover the whole of his cock with your spit. Jaehyun had always been a loud grunter and moaner so it was no doubt that the room was filled with Jaehyun’s sounds of pleasure and curses as you make him feel good with your mouth. Once you couldn’t hold your breath anymore, you pull away from his cock.

 You take the spit stringing your mouth to the head of his cock with your fingers and jerk him off. Jaehyun looks at you, mouth swollen, eyes lidded and tears forming at your ducts. You lean forward, rubbing the head of his cock against your nipples, making him groan at the sight. You take him in your mouth again, this time, just comfortably sucking him off, just taking in the length you could casually and jerk the rest of his shaft.

 He grabs a hold of your head, pushing your pony tail back and tucking the strands that came apart from the vigorous bobbing of your head on his cock. Jaehyun starts to thrust his hips up so you stop moving, your arms on either sides of his hips on the bed, letting him fuck your face at his own pace. When he thrusts to particularly deep, you end up gagging and you pull away, coughing.

 Jaehyun gasps in worry, immediately sitting up and cups your face. “Sorry, sorry! I didn’t mean to! I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

 You let out a giggle and peck his lips, “it’s ok, love.”

 "So now, it’s my turn to please my lady." He grins as he kisses you on the cheek before he maneuvers you to the head of the bed and pushes you down until he was hovering over you and in between your legs. He licks the tips of his fingers and rubs at your clit, making you twitch. He reaches down and slips two of his fingers inside you with no warning, making you gasp. “You’re this wet for me, sweetheart? Well shit.” He grins at you, teasing as his he finds a comfortable paces to fuck you with his fingers.

 You close your eyes, reveling in the sensation of his fingers stretching you and rubbing against your spot as you squeeze your breasts. God, he knew just how to make you feel so good, and you couldn’t wait for the main event: his cock but his fingers were doing more than good that you find yourself bucking against his hand as your orgasm comes over you fast, like it was unexpected that you didn’t realize you were cumming until it you started to scream and tremble.

 “That was fast,” Jaehyun teases, pulling his fingers out of you slowly, watching your pussy juice stringing as he separates his fingers. He takes the fingers from inside you and shoves it in his mouth and licks it clean. It as a shame you couldn’t see it as you were still basking in the after effects of your orgasm, eyes pinched close. “I didn’t even touch your clit!” He says, giving you a teasing look. “You must’ve waited for this long, huh?”

 You grin at him, but still trying to calm yourself down by taking deep breaths. “We haven’t had sex since Jihyo made us stop having sex here and finals was a bitch, Jae. I was stressed!” You close your eyes, clutching your chest dramatically.

 Jaehyun laughs at you and kneels in front of you, lifting your hips and pulling you to him. He lifts your hips and settles it on top of his legs. You feel him line his cock to your slit and pushes his head in.

 “Wait! I’m not ready yet!” You whimper, using your legs to push yourself off but his grip on your hips was strong and he had already pushed inside you, the whole of his length inside you. Your eyes roll back as his tip presses against your sweet spot but at the same time, the burn of the stretch makes you hiss in pain. He was never an easy size to begin with.

 “Relax, babe.” He says gently as he takes a hold of your waist but you see how he has his eyes closed and his mouth agape. “You’re fucking tight.”

 Still feeling the stretch, you lift your head and hit his hand on your waist, making him laugh. “You’re an asshole. I’m still sensitive.” You pouted.

 “I know, love. Your pussy’s still throbbing.” He gives you a sweet smile and grabs your legs to wrap them around him. He takes his time, keeping his cock inside you while he takes his time into admiring your serene face and running his hands on your skin. “You ok?” He intertwines your fingers and plants kisses on the back of your hand, watching you remain silent with your eyes closed.

 You eventually give him a sign but don’t answer him, instead, you smile at him as you squeeze your walls around his cock, making him wince. “Your cock is-AH!”

 He starts to move his hips, just grinding do every roll of his hips, his cock hitting your sweet spot. "Ah, shit. You're so fucking tight." He groans as he finally pulls his hips back and drove into me slowly, bottoming out and slamming back in, making you moan at the sweet pressure inside.

 You wrap your legs tighter around him as he moved his hips up, hitting your sweet spot at a different angle as he leans down and sucks at your nipples. Fucking Jaehyun wouldn’t be fucking him if he wasn’t sucking on your nipples while he was fucking into you. You keep his head close to you, as if you were holding a baby’s head sucking on its mother’s nipple. Honestly, with the amount of times he was sucking on your nipples, you wouldn’t be surprised if you started lactating out of the blue.

 He lifts your legs as he starts slow but deep thrusts and puts both of your legs over his shoulders as he leans down, basically folding you in half. He captures your lips while his hips pick up pace. He kisses the sensitive spots on your neck as he builds up a steady pattern of fucking you, making you eyes roll back in pleasure. He licks the skin from you ear to my neck, making you shiver and buck your hips, easily receiving his hard cock.

 He eventually goes into full force and you’re left to nothing but a moaning mess as he drives his hips to yours forcefully and in a pace beyond what you could handle. He was so deep inside you that you could the sweet pressure of his hard cock jabbing your cervix.

 You claw at his back and grabbing onto whatever you could, holding on for dear life as he drives into you relentlessly, with his hands lifting up your hips for easier access. "F-fu...fuck! Ah! Soooo goo-...ood! Ah!!"

 He pulls out and you groan at the loss of his cock inside you.

 "Jaehyun, no," You groan desperately as he smirks at me.

 "Patience, love." He smiles and lies on his back, making me straddle him.

 Needing no words, you straddle him and slip down his length, releasing a sigh of pleasure at the fullness you’re feeling. You lean down and kiss him and he settles his hands on your ass cheeks, massaging and slapping. You pull away, moving your hips slowly, forward and backward, taking him in deep inside. You lean your head back, moaning from the pleasure.

 He leans forward and sucks your left nipple and plays with your nipple with his hands, rolling the hard pebble with his fingers, pulling and squeezing. He groans in pleasure as you tighten your walls around him. He moves to your riģht nipple and sucks, and gives the same treatment as he did with your other nipple.

 Jaehyun then pushes you down towards him and holds you tight as he starts thrusting hard and fast from below you. You squeal at the intense, hard pleasure coming in, giving you no room to breathe.

 "JAEHYUN!!!!" You scream as you push your hips down to meet his thrusts and take him in any deeper, if it was possible. "FucK! AHH!!" You let myself go and my body becomes limbless at the excessive pleasure. You feel the drool escape your lips as you lean your face on the crook of his neck.

 Without effort, he maneuvers you off of him and throws you on the bed then kissing every exposed inch of my skin he could reach. Once he reaches down, he doesn’t hesitate and proceeds to eat you out like a fucking maniac, making you scream and shiver in so much pleasure. There were lots of things Jung Jaehyun did well and one of the top things besides academics, basketball, cooking and fucking, eating you out would be included. And it didn't help that he knew your body like the back of his hand.

 "Jaehyun! I'm cummimg!" You scream and before he could react, you were trembling, already in your second orgasm of the day. He never stopped sucking on your clit and started fingering you again, jus jabbing at your sweet spot while you were on the verge of your orgasm. You wanted to keep away but he had your hips on hold. Pretty soon, you felt it coming again and this time, you ended up squirting.

 He looked pretty proud of himself after you were left a shivering mess. “There we go, good girl!” He smiles, kissing the back of your hand. “I told you I’d make you squirt, right?” The last time you had sex, knowing it’d be while before you could again, the two of you had rented a room and tried every position you wanted to try out and tried finding out your limits. He had made you squirt then and you both were amazed after seeing it once so he had promised you that he would be making you do it again.

 “Jihyo’s gonna be so fucking mad when she gets home…” you trail off, still a bit high from your orgasm. “God, I’m dead. I need to find a new roommate.” You take a deep breathe, “also, I think… I’m gonna pass out.”

 Jaehyun laughed, “at least let me cum before you pass out!”

 “I fucking hate you right now.” You could feel the slight sheen of sweat on your body, besides from the body liquid you just expelled earlier.

 “Excuse me, Ms. Y/N? You were the one that wanted this, remember?”

 You wanted to pass out but you were sure Jaehyun wasn't over yet and besides, you always wanted Jaehyun’s cum inside you. It wasn't done until he came inside you. “Fuck me now, come on.” He immediately enters you and starts working his hips in a pace fast and hard.

 "Fuck! Slow down!" It was too good that you could feel fresh tears drip down your temple. "Wait!!! Jaehyun" You try to push him away to at least slow him down but he holds you tighter and drives into you harder, constantly pressing against your g-spot. It was honestly like his cock was made for your pussy as he’s always hitting the places inside you that made you see stars.

 "Ah, fuck! Your pussy so fucking tight for me!" He exclaims, followed with a plethora of curses as he does a steady pace of strong, deep, fast thrusts. He kisses you and holds tight on your breasts, squeezing them.

 "I'm cumming!" You scream as you quickly cum on his cock which triggers his orgasm as well, but he keeps his shallow thrusts until he's emptied his cum all inside of you, filling you a few weeks worth of cum, filling you to the brim that some spill out even though his cock acted as a plug.

 He stays inside you as the two of you kiss again, lazily this time, so you both could catch your breaths too. "I love you, y/n." He smiles at you, kissing your chin.

 You laugh at his sweetness as you focus on breathing to slow down your fast heartbeat. Was it because of his words or your exhaustion? Or both? But you did know the exhaustion was taking over you. You close your eyes, basking in the warmth of his body against yours. Your ears were blocked and you were still trembling but you weren’t complaining.

 Jaehyun knew you so he wasn’t expecting your reply and he already knows your answer anyways. Pretty soon, you quickly fall asleep, surprising him. But it was understandable because he made you spent so he cleaned up after you, wiping your body and your crotch with a warm towel and dressing you in panties and one of the shirts he’s left intentionally after he had cleaned himself up. It was the least he could do.

 From Jung Jaehyun | 10:30AM

To Cha Eunwoo

So, what are you willing to do for me not to tell y/n I caught you and Jihyo fucking after ur gf made us stop fucking in their dorm? Send me your most expensive skin, Cha and try to beat me!

[unordinary-analysis]

Episode 173

Honorable Mentions:

PSA (I keep repeating in every recent post sorry) this greatly relies upon things I’ve said in previous episode analyses especially for episode 167 where I go most in depth about John and his inner battles (his fake personality vs. his old one). (seach “#episode 167” on my page). My recent post “John’s “fake” self,” though kind of extreme, is good too but please read the reprise I just posted on that.

Finally I’ve been able to create a concept that holds up both in my mind and in the story and that I find myself sticking to, and then this whole issue of having to explain it every post appears…

This comes off as annoying self-promotion and I’m aware of that, but I just really value reader comprehension uishiuskjh

When I refer to John’s “fake” self/side, I don’t mean it’s actually completely false, it’s just easier to differentiate his two sides that way. One side is John’s dominant nature, his “evil” side (I call this “dark, evil, and true” side) and the other side is John’s “good” side (I call this “fake, false, fabricated” to emphasize the idea that it’s “borrowed” in a way/not really ‘from John himself.’ I explain this a lot in the actual post though lmao im kinda redundant

Do new people even read my posts? I feel like they’re too bulky for a new follower to commit to reading… lmao. If so, this post really isn’t helping 

John asking Sera why she didn't take him for a drink or on a walk to talk to him like they haven’t been avoiding each other for like a month sends. When even is the last time you got drinks with Sera, John.

Sera keeps bringing up stuff for the first time in the comic and its great

How thick are these school’s walls istg it’s like every other episode that one of the characters is yelling at another in one of these classrooms smh

I recently had the thought to go back to watch the progression of the ratio of John’s text bubbles changing from white to black in each episode as a sort of scale/timeline of how John’s dark side is overpowering his good one. But then I didn’t…

I want to talk about Sera’s mention of UnOrdinary the book so much, but this is too long and I don’t know what I would say

Word choice is hard :(

Lot of redundancy in this one that's what I get for going in chronological order

Favorite words of the day apparently: “obviously, “we’ll get to that later”, and further”

This doesn’t have a title because instead of breaking this into multiple sections like I normally would, this episode is only one scene plus the things I want to talk about are kind of intertwined. So you get this mega post.

    I actually wasn’t too keen on the confrontation being limited to a single episode because usually I feel, it seems very crammed to read and just usually doesn’t resonate, but I thought this episode was actually amazing. I was so well entertained throughout and the conversation didn’t just “happen” you know? That was probably because the episode was a little longer than it normally would be, at least I think it was. It felt like it.

    Anyways, this is still in chronological order, so let’s start at the beginning.

    The first thing I want to talk about is how this episode starts off. John and Seraphina are alone in a room together, and John has on his wide, innocent (, fake) smile. And I know that was kind of expected due to him still trying to sell the whole harmless cripple thing to Seraphina, but it really struck me right off the bat because of much it stood out to me (love the repetition). John’s fake personality has been in use less and less in the comic recently because he hasn’t been interacting with Sera as much who really is the last person that he puts it on for anymore. This absence of John’s false innocence has dissolved my immunity to it and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m recognizing just how different the two sides of John are. When I would see it every chapter, I got used to it and became numb to the constant switches back and forth by John, but the heavy focus put on his more darker side recently has changed that.

    This can also be taken into the context of that slow progression from the fake John to the old John that I’ve been talking about since my analysis for episode 161. Like I said, before I was used to both of John’s faces, and the fact that we have seen so little of his fake persona recently alludes to the thought that, just like it reflects on screen, there is less and less of that side to John left. Brief disclaimer: this sounds kind of dumb if you don’t understand my context. I have been in this continuous explanation of John’s two sides (fake personality that I just talked about and true personality shown recently by Joker and previously by New Bostin John) being in an ongoing battle with one another, a battle that is very much so one-sided as it is already established that the real John will win because John’s anchors to his fake side are slowly disappearing. That probably made some sense if you’ve never read one of my posts before, but if you don’t understand me even a little, please look at the honorable mentions. It is important to everything I talk about in this episode.

    Anway, like I said, this is the first thing in this episode that points to this concept, and we’re only on like the third panel. 

    Something else that we get teased for in the beginning of the episode is John still putting effort into displaying this fake persona because in this episode, Seraphina does not even once smile back at him or display anything warmer than a deadpan expression (maybe later, but not right now). His immediate reaction is to still act so cheery and motivated. I will be honest though, this is only for a while though because he does start to show frustration and similar emotions while still trying to keep Seraphina believing in his created self, but more on that later. Anyway, the main idea this is hinting at is that John is clinging to his false personality as best he can and the easiest way to do that is through extremity. By showing more negative emotions, he is risking accidently slipping out of character, which would not only lose Sera (makes sense now, but will make more sense later), but also something else, which is why his go to with Sera is that over the top smile, that wouldn’t be naturally appropriate for a serious conversation that is obviously about to happen. More on that later too. 

    More recently, I made a post about what I refer to as John’s “fake” self, and I explain there how Seraphina is an anchor and draw of goodness for John. Him trying his best to put that goodness forward and project it onto her in not only this episode, but every episode, really shows how much he relies upon her because, as I said a bit ago, she is the only person he really does this for. When John is with Seraphina, he tries to get the most out of the person he’s forced to become. 

    This chronological order is already getting on my nerves, sorry about that. This might be a hard post to follow.  Anyway, if you take two of the ideas I talked about in the previous paragraphs and put them together, they connect into the next thing I want to say. My statements “there is less and less of that[fake] side to John left” and “John is clinging to his false personality as best he can” lead into my next point, which is supported by the first outburst of the episode (there’s a lot). And I’ve  also said this in previous posts. John doesn’t want to be overcome by his evil, past self. John doesn’t want to lose the person he created to hide behind, his fake self, because once that image of himself is shattered (haha get it) the only person left is John’s true, hidden self. All we will have left is the dark side of John. Obviously because John created this fake personality for himself, he doesn’t like the person he really is and attempted to overcome it, defeat it. But his attempt is experiencing exponential failure (for reasons I’ve kind of said before and will explain in this post) and his dark side is corrupting him again, slowly but surely taking over. Again, I repeat, John does not want this. John is scared of himself. This is one of the reasons why, whenever he can, John takes the opportunity to deny the progression being made by his evil side. This is why, when Seraphina tells him that she knows John is Joker and there’s basically nothing he can say to make her not believe that, John says, “How many times do I have to say it? I’m not Joker!” This internal refusal to accept that he is Joker (evil) is what I was referring to literally a second ago when I said that by slipping out of his fake personality, John would be losing Sera, but also something else (I swear I thought it would take me longer to get to this). That “something else” would be his belief that there is any good in him at all. Let me explain. Because dark John’s takeover is inevitable and we can recognize that he makes up most of John’s mind currently, if John switches to his dark side now, it would basically represent the defeat of his fabricated (“good”) self. A quote of mine from my analysis from episode 161 is, “By denying that Joker is himself, John is in part saying that Joker isn’t the only thing that makes up John.” The moment John stops denying that he is Joker to himself, he admits that he is wholly evil, and you’ll have to wait a second for a full explanation on this. In John’s mind, his two sides are very black and white: his past self (evilness) and his new one, (goodness). This is exemplified in his previous flashbacks to New Bostin and their contrast to his daily life. The colors used, the words used. Very good vs. evil, hero vs. villain. And it’s meant to be. It’s one or the other. Anyway, as long as John denies that he is fully old John, fully evil John, he is saying that there has to be some left of the other side (good) in him. (usually it isn’t this black and white but I hope I literally just explained how he sees it as so. For John, it really is one or the other). 

    A very important aspect of this whole thing, this whole denial, however, is actually in who he’s with. Seraphina’s presence in this scene is very influential, as I’m trying to stress. Her image, to John, is a symbol of his goodness, which I’ve said earlier in this post (briefly), but first in my analysis for episode 161, and even more so in my recent post “John’s “Fake” Self.” John draws his “good” (what I refer to as “fake”) side Seraphina because he doesn’t want to risk trying to get it from himself (because he’s scared of himself). Anyway, I said in the beginning of this post that by showing his evil side to Seraphina, he would lose her. And beyond the obvious, which is that she would hate him for it and leave, there’s also the reason that because Sera is where John tends to get his goodness from, by showing her his evil self, by admitting he is joker (what I talked about more recently), John would be exposing himself as completely evil (already explained this line of thinking). This would mean he doesn’t have any goodness (aka Sera) in him, or that Sera would have somehow lost her own goodness as well, which is something that I just thought of, so I’m not sure if I’ll expand. I’m still thinking. Anyway, John doesn’t want to fully be evil, or at least doesn’t want Sera to know, which is why this all has a more symbolic meaning. And why this episode is so polarizing for John. This is a confrontation between what he considers his goodness and what he considers his evilness.

    Next in the episode, when John says a second later, “Hello? It’s me, John! I’m a cripple! I don’t have an ability! I like going out for drinks, and hanging out on the roof, and exercising, and playing games! Sure, I act like a smart-ass and it gets me in trouble sometimes…! But have you seen the kind of shit Joker has done? That’s not me,” this supports my statements that John is clinging to his fake self, that he does view his Joker side as his “evil” side (old statement, but confirmation is nice), and that he will keep denying himself as Joker to not become him fully. 

    Anyway, the next thing really shown in this episode is when John grabs Seraphina and begs for her to believe him. Specifically he says, “Everyone else can think I’m shit. But you have to believe in me! PLEASE!” Another nod to his obsession with Seraphina and my concept of her as the source of his good. This is just kind of repeating what I’ve already said, just in a very extreme and eye-catching way so I wanted to say something about it.

    This back and forth that the chronological order is putting me in is not it.

    Now we get to the part where Seraphina validates me :). John finishes his plea to her with, “I’m not Joker. I’m not a monster, okay?” To which Sera responds (in her head), “”Monster”? Why is he acting like this? Is he really still trying to convince me? Or… Is he trying to convince himself?” This is the first time an UnOrdinary character has brought this idea up. Sera is probably the only character to have been in such a situation with John, though. Anyway, the concept that John is trying to convince himself of his own goodness has largely only been used in my own episode analyses rather than the actual comic (lol). I’ve already talked about it in this post, but it’s been a common theme for me throughout my last 10 posts or so.  Seraphina thinking this same thing herself confirms the importance of the idea. John’s denial of himself as Joker is just as much for his sake as it is for Sera’s, likely even more. I said all of this up above when I talked specifically about his denial of himself as Joker, but the direct confirmation from the comic made me happy.

    When Seraphina tells John that she knows about what happened at New Bostin, it’s significance is more grounded than these mind games I’ve been talking about up until now, thank god. I can never tell when I go too far… This can still be taken into that context, but I want to talk about a different aspect, because I would just be repeating myself from earlier if we talked about all that again. Anyway, when Seraphina says, “John, I already know everything… New Bostin, your expulsion, how you’re secretly a high-tier... “ John has a very extreme reaction, instantly throwing himself back into those flashbacks to New Bostin. He sees himself as the monster he was then now paired with the knowledge that Seraphina knows all about it too. 

    The aspect of the story I want to talk about is one of my favorites :D. Parallels! The parallels between John’s past and his present are absolutely phenomenal and I love them. And they’ve been growing a lot more ‘in your face’ as of the more recent episodes. Some examples are when John and Seraphina fought off that fake joker in the hall that one time and also that one scene between Cecile and John where John got all pissed off at Seraphina. That probably made no sense to you, but I talk about it a lot in my analyses for episodes 161 and 167 so….. I don’t know what to tell you lol. Anyways, with my analyses, I’ve been pushing the concept that John is becoming more and more unable to differentiate both events and people from his past and his present. My main evidence for this is that John’s flashbacks have been pairing up with details from the current storylines. In my analysis for episode 167, I say, “John’s flashbacks are making it so that John cannot separate the present from the past. He cannot exist at Wellston without his subconscious relating everything that is happening to what happened to John at New Bostin.” I also talk about what this means for his relationships with the other characters who go to school with him currently, especially Seraphina. Here are two quotes that are, again, both from my analysis of episode 167: “This episode’s flashbacks to Claire and situations revolving around her and the comparison to current events revolving around Seraphina, and especially the outburst by John at her; they all suggest that John doesn’t see Seraphina as her own person anymore, maybe that he never has.”... “It’s become clear that John is, currently at least, viewing Seraphina as another Claire.” My whole support of this is because of Seraphina resembling Claire in the events of episode 161 cueing John’s flashbacks of her, but more importantly (at the moment): how John, when told about Sera and Arlo meeting behind his back, has automatic flashbacks to Claire’s betrayal and seemingly takes his anger at Claire out at Seraphina. 

    So, basically, Claire was John’s best friend, but then she went behind his back because of his evil actions to secretly recruit their other classmates to defeat him. I know anyone reading this post should know that, but I wanted to mention it because of how startlingly similar this is to how John is viewing his current situation with Seraphina. Sera was John’s best friend, yet she’s been drifting away from him, and according to Cecile, she has even met with Arlo behind John’s back. I’ve talked about all of this before (I think? I don’t really remember lol). Anyway, the developments that this episode adds to this parallel, this comparison, are quite substantial. Both Seraphina telling John that she knows he is Joker and that she knows about the events of New Bostin further push this concept of her and Claire’s similarity, which in turn encourages John’s mental association of the two characters and his inability to differentiate between the past and the present.

    Seraphina telling John that she knows he is Joker is adding to the similarity between the storyline at New Bostin and the storylines at Wellston. As I described in my brief summary of Claire’s buildup and betrayal, Claire turned against John because she realized how horrible he’d become. This is why we have the infamous one-liner, “monster,” from Claire. Claire’s entire motivation for turning against and leaving John was that she saw how corrupted and twisted he was becoming and wanted to put her other classmates’ suffering to an end. Now, there’s a bit of bias here on John’s part, as I do not believe he truly grasps that Claire only wanted him put out of power/authority (which was what corrupted him in the first place). I think John just thinks that Claire couldn’t stand the person he was and what he was doing, and that attempting to defeat him was purely a retaliation without an end goal and less of the logical decision and mission it was (to dethrone him). I think Keon’s classes really pushed this into John’s head, actually, because they were so focused on enforcing the fact that John was a monster. He became overwhelmed with that idea of himself as a monster and assumed everyone else was too. (The last few sentences have awful word choice and consequently worse comprehensiveness, but it is what it is). Anway, back on track, because John thinks that when people discover what a “monster” he is, they go behind his back and plan attacks. Now, because Sera has admitted knowing of John’s past/his identity of Joker, which are the most obvious examples of the “monster” in John paired with her having recently gone behind his back to talk to Arlo about John, her actions are obviously mirroring the buildup at New Bostin for John. Something else that’s big in this episode, is the later panel of Seraphina and Claire overlapping each other says, “monster.” This is both a support for what I’ve been saying and its own separate addition. With Seraphina now playing Claire’s part, this is going to further John’s association and muddlement of his past and his present.

    There will be a lot more of this later in this post though, so stay tuned.

    I do realize that without the confusing explanation of John’s difference in view regarding the events of New Bostin in comparison to Claire’s was kind of useless, I just included that because it really emphasized the comparison to this episode particularly, which is what this post is about lol.

    Next in the episode, we get the creepiest panel of John drawn ever. You know the one. I first saw that and was stunned. Anway, normally that would go in honorable mentions, but come on.

    Moving on, we have finally reached the turning point for this post, for this episode, and for the entire comic of UnOrdinary lmao. Early on in this post I said, “John doesn’t want to lose the person he created to hide behind, his fake self, because once that image of himself is shattered (haha get it) the only person left is John’s true, hidden self.” And, besides me still laughing because of that, it really helps me explain what’s happening here.

    Currently, we are at the panels of the episode where John is seeing an image of his created self, aka L for loser John, aka hair gel John, splintering and shattering like glass. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what this means. Everything I’ve been talking about for a while. Not only this post, but for many posts in the past, is finally completely itself. 

    This is the final takeover of the dark side of John. I’ve always talked about this gradual battle between good and evil within John where the evil side is going to inevitably win and this is that. Most of this episode has been me saying stuff like ‘if this happens, it will mean that John has truly lost himself and is completely evil.’ And that’s where we’re at now. All of that has happened, okay? It’s time to abandon everything I’ve been saying recently because it’s in the past now.

Which is why, we see that completion of Seraphina and Claire becoming mirrors of each other in John’s mind. Throughout the rest of the episode there is obvious molding of the two, more so than ever before. So much so that I can’t really call my ideas on this topic an idea because they’re proved correct. John is blatantly viewing Sera as Claire now, and it’s meant to be understood by the reader because of the constant switches between the two from frame to frame. The concept of John’s anger at Claire being targeted and associated with Seraphina also makes a comeback. I am confident enough now to say that it is confirmed in the comic that John cannot fully differentiate Seraphina and Claire’s characters from one another. 

Even the whole idea that John cannot fully differentiate his past and present as wholes gets extreme support, though not exactly enough for me personally to say that it is confirmed. After the “shattering”(I like that, might keep that), John instantly attacks Seraphina with accusations of going behind his back and why even when Seraphina kept telling him that she was in no way taking sides, only collecting the facts, John repeatedly told her that she was abandoning “his side.” These are obviously things that happened at New Bostin, and though it fits into the more set in stone Sera vs. Claire comparison, I am using it to support this more overall idea of present vs. past. But the best support for that past vs present thing is in this episode when Seraphina says, “You’re repeating everything you did at New Bostin!” That line is very self-explanatory, I feel. Also, the fact that it’s one of the characters saying this, makes me pretty confident that this is true.

I have now decided to call this turning point in UnOrdinary “The Shattering” because of both John’s and Seraphina’s uses of the concept. So, that’s fun. And it also leads into the next thing in the episode: Seraphina’s personal shattering.

Seraphina is always a more grounded character than John and it’s kind of refreshing turning my analysis onto her because she makes more logical sense. In this episode, Seraphina really lets loose at John about everything she’s been through because of him and even uses the phrase, “My whole world shattered.” She expresses how she feels like she’s been lied to about everything for such a long time (which she obviously has) and how to figure out what parts of both her relationship with John and even her own personality are true. It’s a very passionate and straightforward moment and I do feel like I tend to overlook Seraphina in analysis when it comes to focus, probably because there’s more to analyze with John, but I do feel like while reading this episode, my focus was really split between the characters.

Seraphina has completely changed as a person since she met John. Mostly, in fact, because she met John. Upon learning that he isn’t who he says he is, she’s met with this inevitable question of ‘how much of my personality, of myself, is also built upon lies.’ John largely influenced the changes in Seraphina and if that wasn’t true, what does that mean for her.

I’ve talked about this before in my analysis for episode 162, so I don’t really have much to say because unlike John, I pretty much have the same feeling for Sera as I did then.

    The real development in this episode, however, was obviously that, “Sera you’re just a cripple,” from John. That completely broke Seraphina. I know that she knew that he was faking his whole personality before, or at least most of it, but I think this is when she really takes that in fully. Before John said that, Sera even said, “This isn’t you, John. Something happened at New Bostin that you haven’t opened up about.” This really conveys the message that Sera still believes in part that John didn’t completely fake himself, or even that she’s in denial, but when John harshly mocked her for being a cripple, which is probably the thing most opposite what Sera could imagine the John she knew doing, she completely just collapsed into herself. Like she said, her whole world was shattered. We get this whole flashback collection of John that Seraphina knew and it’s almost like he’s died in a way and been replaced by this fake, but it’s even worse because that’s who he was this entire time.

    So then she hits him at the end so i'm kind of really wanting to read the next episode now so I’m putting this up now, over an hour after the new episode came out. ;-; r.i.p..